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cookie monster

FOOD. SEX. SHOPPING. BOOZE. PARTYING. DRUGS. SOCIAL MEDIA. LIKES. FOLLOWERS. You name it. While none of these things are bad in and of itself, our intention behind it can be both self-destructive and/or hurt those around us.

Here's my theory. We're S.T.A.R.V.I.N.G.

What are we trying to fill? What are we in search of? Why don't we feel whole? Heck, even working out every single day or absolutely having to hit the mat every.single.day or counting every last gram on your food scale 365 days a year...we need to ask ourselves and be truthful. What's the driver?

My latest and greatest...food cravings. Coming back from the Amazon jungle at a mere 124lbs, I was alarmed that I had lost so much weight. Within 6 weeks, I gained 6lbs but not in a way that I should. I indulged in pizza (like on a first name basis with the pizza shop owner), donuts (or cronuts rather), mac n' cheese, crackers, chips, spicy big bites from 7-11, and of course chocolate. Although I had an iron clad formula to eat whateva' if I make the macros fit, I didn't care to adhere to it. 

I had to question myself, what was I feeding? Why did I feel like I was deprived? Starving? I never felt good afterwards. In fact, I felt guilty and shitty (literally). What void was I trying to fill?

Then it came to me. Giving into these cravings gave me comfort. It kept me entertained, it was good company and dependable even for a brief while. It was distracting me from what I needed to do, what I knew was good for me. And ultimately, what I wanted out of life. It's fucking hard work! It gave me an outlet to fill this hole I found within me, this vast space of nothingness. I needed my reward neurons to fire constantly to feel worthy and valid. It's easy to say this now. But, facing this truth was a tough pill to swallow. 

I gave ALL my love out and saved none for myself. Heck, I help people for a living. But this is so typical of the women in my fam. Put myself last. Geez, I wasn't even in queue. Sure, I took care of my body. But, as we all know, that's a vessel in this physical world. What good is a beautiful boat, however, if there's no captain on board, no one home?

Being in solitude for a portion of my time in the jungle allowed me to be completely alone devoid of distractions (iphone, media, company, games, food, etc). NOTHING. Oh, I'd rather stab myself with a serrated knife. Just kill me already. 

It's been a roller coaster ride coming back home. Same yet different. One thing I'm present to is that we are all good and bad, light and dark, joy and sadness, jealous and compassionate, confident and insecure, supportive and "I don't give two fucks". What triggers our dark? What brings out the bad wolf in us? 

If you have the courage, if you want to seek the truth, if you want to live...look inward. The answers are there. You will NOT find it in that next conquest. You will NOT find it in another person. You will NOT find it in that perfectly chiseled body of yours. You may actually find it in a Cracker Jack box though. They've been known to have cool prizes (joking of course). 

How do we look inward? For starters, sit still. Meditate. Remove your distractions. Be bored. That's it. The thing is, most of us won't do this. It's not that we're afraid to fail, but that we have infinite potential to be great without anyone else to validate us. It takes a lot of trial and error. Be willing to fuck up. Be willing to grow from it. It'll only make you stronger. Our triggers are teachers. It reveals something deeply embedded within us. Knowing this, I've become more forgiving and accepting. I'm not trigger-free and I still have my moments where I'm passive-aggressive. But hey, I'm human and I'm a work in progress...always.

Start learning how to love yourself. Hug yourself. Tell yourself why you love you. Every morning, before you day begins in a fervent frenzy. Do it. Make it a habit. And, this is ironically how we really show up for others. Truth is a bitch but it will always set you free.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us." - Marianne Williamson


the angry yogi

angry yoga

One of the first things that drew me to yoga were the teachers who didn't sugar coat the process. Maybe it's because I grew up with "tough love". 

Let's all be honest, that first vinyasa class probably kicked your a$$ hard. I distinctly remember my wrists and shoulders b.u.r.n.e.d. I thought it wasn't possible to suck more. No forward folds to speak of. Arm balances? What's that? Backbends? In my f*n dreams.

But, I loved it! Finally! I didn't have to run to get fit. The gym rat thing wasn't working for me. Oh, and my first yoga teacher was HOT. I still remember her. Golden honey skin with short wavy hair. She wore a tank top which exposed her lower mid section. She had on loose fitting sweatpants that draped over her legs and her movements flowed with such ease, strength and grace. Her body was tone AF. Wow. I wanted to be her.

While my inspiration to start practicing was very much a physical one, it transcended to other realms of being. It even launched me into the journey of teaching this craft. So, first off, I want to confess that I'm certainly not all rainbows and unicorns. Believe me, I've tried and the shoe doesn't fit. I curse. I bite. I scratch. I can be rough around the edges at times. I will never be that teacher who enables her students, who glorifies mediocrity to make them feel better about themselves. I'm not that gal who speaks of prancing through flower filled meadows during your practice. That warrants a bonafide slap across my face. I will support you and encourage you. But, I will not give praise just because I want your membership.

What DOES float my boat is seeing you show up and doing the best you can that day. It might not feel like much but trust me, I can tell. Energy and effort don't lie. Making your way through struggle reveals depth of character.

I always strive to be in my most light self, however, a sliver of darkness will slice through once in a while. Lately, I've come face to face with her, acknowledging her and hearing her out. We are in this together, the ego and I. We may have our off days. We may have moments when we're triggered by something or someone and our reaction is disproportionate to the actual event.

What yoga and other life changing experiences have taught me are...

- Always look at yourself first
- Breathe deeply
- It's ok to be angry and pissed off; acknowledge those emotions and then it'll have less of a hold on you
- Set boundaries; know who you are and what you stand for and if someone can't respect that, then tell them to f* off
- There's a light and dark side to all of us, some have more light and some have more dark. The dark is not bad. She just needs to be understood so you can manage her better and not let her           wreak havoc.

Clarity & Levity.

Handle my $hit. That's why I visit my mat. I'm not here to pretend all is right with the world. I practice to feel better in my body, sooth my soul and empty my mind. I practice so I can be less pissed off. I practice so I don't want to smash your face in. I practice so I can hate myself less and love myself more. I practice so I can let go of my anger. I practice to forgive. I practice to find my breath again and again.

Why do YOU practice?



October's Mobility Focus Pocus! WICKED SPLITS

Two words for you. Hips & Hamstrings. Feast your eyes on this lil' sample of good things coming!

These are some of the top areas (hips & hamstrings) people want to work on to feel more functional and just overall amazing in their day to day and when they wanna play.

Let's dive into one of the more exciting ways to open those suckers up! S.P.L.I.T.S.

We'll look at a variety of splits to help you achieve more supple hamstrings and mobile hips. 

Why do we want to do this you ask?

Well, for starters, everyone should be able to bend down and tie their own shoes or pick something up without throwing their back out or can't even get back up. So, functional longevity. 

Second, range of movement. Squat lower, extend farther, straight legs toes-to-bar, leap over rainbows with ease and grace.

lisa frank 

 Tribute to Lisa Frank (you always got  a piece o' my heart)

Thirdly, better posture. When hip flexors be tight, your body can tend to pitch forward if you're not aware. That then leads to an overreactive response from your QL (those are the muscles on either side of your lower back). Muscle spasms much?

You say you're too old or whatever? I say you might be right. We can chronologically be 50 but feel 20 or vice versa. Regardless, don't you want to feel more able overall? Munch on that for a hot sec.

There will be progressions offered during this month to help you access this best for where you are in the journey. Start with what you have not what you used to have or what you never had. Just start and don't bitch. Okay? Okay. So let's get started!

Step 1: Follow us on IG for tips and tricks: pranavibe
Step 2: Perform the splits 3x/wk
Step 3: Post a pic of you performing all three splits on IG by 10/31 w/ #pranavibe #pvwickedsplits #focuspocus

Here's to juicy hips and pliable hamstrings!!!